[RoF] Fire

There was nothing she could do. They forced her legs together. Bound her muzzle closed. And then, there was nothing but fire.

Faryn woke feeling sluggish. She couldn’t open her eyes, the world was sharp and painful and full of strange sensations. And she couldn’t move. She felt the orders in her brain, but her legs were slow to comply, and they felt boneless. It was the smell that made her struggle to her feet, no matter how unwilling her body was to comply.

Fear.

Panic.

Pain.

Death.

Revulsion bit her throat like a wild beast, and Faryn swallowed thickly against rising bile. The fire. She remembered her body burning up, underneath her brown and white fur like a roar of something unknown. Vaguely, there was recollection: Icy water, a distant, soothing idea of fish in her mouth. A bucket, stuck to her tongue, and the knowledge that she had done good. Yanagi’s voice, calling something. Concerned, maybe. But the smell, and the burning in her veins, and the smell, oh Aippaq, that smell…! Faryn opened her eyes. Didn’t know where she was. The tokota couldn’t see much. Tears were swimming in her vision, making a dull, metal wall look like colours bleeding from a faraway ceiling that cast harsh light onto her still unmoving form.

Fear.

Panic.

Pain.

Death.

That smell. Revolting. Faryn tensed all muscles when she heard the voices. Human voices. Another memory: Her handler, good, gentle Luna, holding her down. A sharp jolt of betrayal washed through her system. She managed to get front legs under her body and pushed into a sitting position. Pain exploded with a crushing wave of dizziness inside her mind, and she had to blink away tears. Human yells, now, and there was one that smelled of blood, of pain, of death. A male human, big and broad, clad in white human-fur that swivelled around his legs like bat’s wings. He had a shock of brown head-fur, and his lips were stretched into a thin smile. He tried for soothing and failed. Faryn snapped at him, a slow motion because her mouth didn’t – she couldn’t move properly. It felt as if she was still underwater, still the air around her was too thick.

Fear.

It was the liquid fire and the memory of a sharp, pointed pain in her flank that made her shy away from the human. Healer, her mind supplied, it was supposed to be a human-healer. But there was so much pain. So, so much pain. There was something burning, like molten lava, running through her system, it made her brain throb and her muscles ache and her breath come in short pants. Faryn snapped at him, weak growl emanating from deep inside her. She needed to leave. She couldn’t let that strange man touch her again. She needed to be home. Home. With Yanagi and her weak-lifes and her pack. Faryn needed her pack. She waited, acting more sluggish than she felt, then pushed her whole weight at the human with a lunge that had her seeing stars.

Suddenly, she was – somewhere else. The floor was hard and white, smelled of something sharp meant to cover up the stench of illness, of dying, of fear. Whatever this place was, wherever she had been taken to, the female knew she had to leave, and leave now. There were more humans approaching, she could smell them around a corner. She ran.

Panic.

Faryn couldn’t not run. Her legs were under her control again, and though everything in her mind lurched sideways and she had to fight back the urge to vomit, to gag and stop and lie down and be a good girl, the fire in her veins made her continue. Whatever they had done to her, they were responsible for the fire. For that pain, for that… thing cursing through her veins, making her weak and cold and too hot all at once. The tokota barrelled through a door, into the harsh cold outside. Better.

She didn’t recognize the place, not immediately. There were narrow streets, humans hastily jumping out of her way. The female didn’t care. The panic that clouded her mind at the humans running behind her was too strong for that. She needed her pack, and she needed to outrun the yelling humans. She knew the words:
“Stop!”
“Faryn, no! Stay!”
“Come here! Faryn, get here right now!”
She wouldn’t ever comply. Not since they made her burn on the inside. She ran. Her paws skittered along the concrete half-covered in snow. It was too warm for home. And it was raining. The City of Rain – Faryn remembered. It wasn’t that far from her pack, she had been taken here by Luna time and again. But she had never been just… left. Why had she been left with the healers – that – weren’t? Why had Luna let them put the fire inside her.

Pain.

She skidded over a rock, or something human-made, or whatever, and fell down on her side, hard. It hurt, but the panic in her heart, shaking in the confines of a narrow ribcage, forced the tokota back on her feet. Run, she needed to run. There was no fight, just flight, blind, panicked, I-need-to-get-away-flight. Blindly she race through streets, narrowly avoiding cars and humans and snarling at those that wouldn’t get out of her way fast enough. The rain, cooling as it felt on her heated skin, obscured Faryn’s vision. Her fur was stuck to her body, wet and heavy and smelling of sick dog. She smelled of sickness, and it made her run even faster. She needed… pack. The thought echoed in her mind: Pack. Pack. Pack. An endless mantra of safety, a promise of a place to curl up and hide, to lick her wounds, to make the fire go away. Her left side hurt; there was blood pulsing there. No broken skin, not quite, but she’d have a nasty bruise. The fire in her body seemed to collect there, forcing madness and a howl that was nothing like her usual voice out of a constricted throat.

Nowhere was safe. Cars honking at her. Humans yelling in strange voices. She could barely keep her eye open. Fear, so much fear. Faryn tried to shake the shaking itself out of her tired body. Finally, the outskirts of the city. Finally, a forest. Safety at last. The human-not-healers were somewhere far behind. She’d lose them in the forest. She could be safe there. She could be – the fire. It was consuming by now, making thoughts, proper thoughts, impossible. Faryn was running on instinct. The forest line came into view, came into focus slowly. It was colourful, and it smelled of prey nd of rain and of darkness and trees and life. It smelled safe. It would be. There was a stretch of open land before her, with no cover. It should’ve worried the white-and-brown female, and it would have if not for the fire burning up her thoughts and leaving nothing but ashes behind.

She ran. She ran despite her aching muscles, despite the pain throbbing in her side, just above her belly, despite the fire that left nothing but cinders. She thought of Terrwynn, of home, of her pack, and pushed her body further. Grass bent, hard and sharp under weakened paw pads, spiking little dabs of pain into her soles with every move. And still she ran, breath puffing in the cool rain. Her skin was on ice, her blood on fire. Coldness, warmth, and all wrapped around her frantic mind.

Death.

It felt like dying, just a little. Crossing the treeline, merging with the shadows, it felt like leaving something behind. Some husk, maybe. Something dead. And Faryn was still running. Close to exhaustion, on the verge of just collapsing. There was nobody here. Nobody she knew, would ever want to know. Nobody; she was alone. There were birds in the trees, green and verdant trees, so alive. And Faryn felt dead. Something inside her was growing numb. She couldn’t feel her legs. Couldn’t keep her eyes open. She just hoped that there was a hiding place somewhere close by. Somewhere safe. She needed to be… She needed to…

Darkness enveloped her senses. The feeling of heat and coldness went out first. Nothing. The rain didn’t bother her, but it hadn’t in a long time. The fire in her veins stopped, leaving a feeling of clotting blood, a steady pulse behind her ribs and in her head.

Next went the smells. The forest, earthy and heady and full of life – numb. The air, crisp and wet with rain – nothingness. The wind that had carried the scent of prey: rabbit, deer, bear, even mice – empty, just something that brushed past the tokota without her taking notice.

Last was her eyesight, and with it, her whole body just collapsed. A memory:

Terrwyn caressing her fur, soft words that barely made sense:
“She needs a vet! Somebody call the vet, please! She must’ve gone into the ocean – she’s way too cold. Somebody, please, help me!” Then the blaring of sirens, and another hand. She remembered feeling cold. So, so cold. New hands on her body. Then, there was nothing but fire.